Poems by Angus Macfadyen, last updated August 2022

1

soon now the night must end
soon the door must close
and soon the lights extinguished
what then must come

what dreams must seize this soul
and drag us weeping below
for the devil is one breath away
staring into our abyss

as all day long the assault endured
upon these battlements
wherein all our frightened thoughts abide
for always the trojan devil was inside

and there the doubt sown, there the seed
grown to the size of a man
now on the run even from himself
sleeps a slaughtered beast

colored yellow, the coward
or green with envy for those heroes
he read about in the history books
their steeds he knew not how to ride

thus red he seeps, as blood from his cheeks
runs dry, and pale the empire sounds
its echo faint now calling
white proud boys

to the appalling purple haze
of power pissing on their parade

2

to all the masks that came before
to all the smiles, the shakes
to all the final breaks
to the indifference

I might have shown
to the cold fish
I might have been
and to you I wish

the pale understanding

just like the way we meant to be
that night
when the shoes you wear
walked too in mine

and the song of despair
called our name
and the beauty of that cry
danced us together

our lips clung in this prayer
holding us forever
in a fever without a cure
some folie a deux

some far flung stone
launched by this hand of god
we must spin upon
in dark comedy

since laughter
and the wind
here and gone
is all we ever belong to

3

before we knew the grief and shame
before we knew history
before our reading glasses
scratched by incessant learning

before our memory began and education too
before when we rose anew each
of us into the sun and screamed for milk
back then, do you remember?

and who were you then?
before you too were run down by the clock
of efficient cruelty
do you remember

who you were then?

or has the incessant clock
of cruelty tickety tocked its march
stamping across your terrain
crushing your brain

cementing a path to
assumed inevitablity?
are you still with me?
are you now as you were then?

before we knew all the shame
of everything we became?

4

to those young enough
who bury me today
remember this

know the devil is true
and wise, and the lies
you will believe
are the world you

were flung into
thus
the fight you endure
or flee

is for your soul
and yours alone
lonely though you be

cast aside by society
a mere pebble
insignificantly tossed
by the hand of god

into the damn
insurrection

know we all fight
and many surrender
and thats alright too
since most aren’t built

for this incessant assault
on our senses
most can’t ride the fall
or

abide even the call
most cannot listen
or hear a goddamn thing
most

curse the ringing in their ears
tormented now
most

young enough to bury me today
know the devil is true
and rings in all our ears

so fling some dirt upon me
or burn me and be done
I’m no longer here
so I don’t care

you’re the only ones
the lonely ones
left with your memories
of what might have been

but if you care to heed my call
then know the lies
flung into this world
only you can believe

can decide
and only you can choose
and all those voices
in your lonely little brain

are each a song sung
a note now dust
for what was then
dies before what rises

here our lives
come and gone
in a poem
or a song

5

A SOLDIER DYING SOMEWHERE

the devil came for me

and I believed someone

was trying to steal my land

my rights

the money I had earned

but the devil wanted none of that

just my soul

taken piece by piece

as slow in time I grew bitter

what was once inherent sweet

turned sour as my insides

splattered below this tree

of knowledge which gave

my dreams fruition

only to rot away unplucked

upon foreign fields

by an indifferent evil

sauntering by

there at his crossroad

and me repugnant in misery

“what ho, friend? why the sad demeanor?”

So I told him my plight and he smiled.

“I’ll pay for your dreams to come true”

And he picked me up, and gobbled me down

spitting out the seeds of my destiny

immortal realization mine

as his saliva suckled me into the dirt below

to sleep a while

perchance to dream, aye there’s the rub

for when I spring up, into the sun

what shape shall I take?

A thorn, a thistle?

A weed, or weeping willow?

to comfort you in my shade

or perhaps a cactus flower

to drench your thirst with my blade

6

death’s tongue, shining

steel triggered

sang early for me

this fatal dawn

her wings fluttering

near, she came

on talons of untold

fright and nowhere

was there to hide.

Led to my unmarked grave

I began to chat with the messenger

of dark mascara’d doom

about how the shadows

and light on the wall of this cave

are but crude scratchings

compared to the cinema

of modern alienation

but she paid no heed

heels echoing like pools

of rippled silence

and as I sank

beneath the puzzle

of everything to come

my little existence

in all its banal wisdom

suddenly made sense

then I disappeared

inside my own reflection

forever

7

its just the thing

we forget to do

sometimes

breathe

and when we do

our life goes on

sometimes

breathe

when all’s undone

and devils crow

sometimes

breathe

since kings and fools

and queens do too

always

breathe

and only thoughts

that bring us low

try to

end

this breath we are

all one inside

so do

breathe

and sleep this fateful

day away

while you

breathe

when nonsense rules

when rhythms change

then only

breathe

still on your own

to heaven

or hell

you’ll breathe

8

Joplin was always screaming

like she wanted the spirit

to enter her

and make her feel the way

everyone else felt about her

but all she did

was go back to that

small hick town

desperate for their approval

and when she was denied

in the dust of hickville

with the prairie wolves

howling her demise

the respect she so desired

from those who adored her least

the witch she was

weird sister like

she too howled

of what running with wolves

was actually like

and spoke of human suffering

in screeches that

offended those little minded

dinosaurs, sipping that beer

so gone she is

yet her spirit never lied

nor the sacrifice she made

to hypocrisy

9

i am a black hole

nothing escapes me

I will swallow you whole and spit

you out the other side

where I also begin

and you as such

have ended according to

your narrow vision of reality

for i am your learning curve

i bend light as it seeks

me out beyond  far corners

of this mind expanding universe

we all must to dirt

in death apart

i am alone the One

intensely i repel

all your shallow yearnings

drawn too close

by your fascination of me

for I am the mystery, the alpha

and the omega you seek

yet wish you might not find

i lie here

in the coffin with you

and all your ancestors

and we shall rise up

hand in hand

walking dead upon the

cemetery grass

we will like liquid dreams

spill out of the contained

nothingness

shattering your crystal myths

and fragile lies

our hermit kingdom

of silent autistry

shall be revealed to all

the frightened minds

at last

shall tremble before us

their dichotomy of deceit

now in ruins at our feet

we are snake shedding skin

worms with wings

fluttering from cocooned sin

we are the wind we howl

and the lion roars

we sour when pinned

upon the wall of that close doored

intellectual dishonesty

which can find no meaning

in our existence at all